


Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

by wakeupstiles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Established Relationship, F/F, Major character death - Freeform, Sad Ending, Season Two AU, honestly there is no happy ending, it's saaaaaaaaaaaad, non canon death, oh and wells is alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupstiles/pseuds/wakeupstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven and Clarke found each other on ground, and they lost each other on the ground, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always so terrified when I write fanfics because I'm scared I don't write the characters in character. I really hope I was able to embody Clarke and Raven correctly.

“Stop.” Raven ordered, not looking up from what she was working on. At this point, she didn’t even know what she was trying to fix; she was doing something to keep her hands and head busy or else she’d start crying, and if she started crying, then she would start screaming, and if she started screaming she was bound to break something. She wasn’t in the mood to clean up broken shards of glass, she doubted she had enough energy in her to break something in the first place, but even still, she had to keep busy.

“I’m not doing anything.” Clarke’s gruff voice retorted from across the room.

“You’re just standing there.” The other girl pointed out, waving her arm for emphasis but still not looking in the blonde’s direction. “Be quiet. I’m trying to work.” She grumbled.

“I haven’t said anything, and it doesn’t exactly look like you’re working.” Clarke grunted, moving farther into the room. Raven closed her eyes and took a deep shaky breath. She knew why Clarke was there, she knew what she was going to say before she even said it, and she didn’t want to hear it. She refused to listen.

“Well maybe if you left then I could get something done.” The dark haired woman turned on her stool, now facing her girlfriend, and tried to keep her face straight. They stared at each other in silence for what seemed like an eternity, studying each other, brown eyes matching blue, looking each other all over, as if searching for the answers to the universe. But the universe was vast, as were people, Raven had come to learn, and one would never get all the answers they desired.

After a few moments, Clarke’s shoulders rounded and she let out a long huff of air from her lungs, and said, “I just met with the Commander.”

Raven gave a stiff nod. “I know.” She was pissed off; so pissed off. The night before, Clarke had told Raven that she was going to meet with the Grounder Commander to try to forge peace between the two colonies of people. Raven raised hell, begged her not to go, knew that whatever the Commander wanted in order for peace to be possible it wouldn’t be good. It wouldn’t be fair. But Clarke didn’t listen—she never listened when her mind was set—so she went. Raven awoke to an empty bed that morning and a heavy heart. She’d been in the lab all day, waiting for Clarke to return to Camp Jaha, hoping that Clarke would come back alive and now in a body bag, and now that she had, Raven allowed herself to revel in her anger.

Clarke’s crystal eyes roamed over her girlfriend’s face. She saw contempt, and she also saw the beginnings of heartbreak. She opened her mouth to speak, but Raven beat her to it, “What does she want?” Clarke’s eyes shifted away from her and Raven tried to keep her face neutral.

“She wants justice for her three hundred warriors.” Clarke said lowly.

_“But what does she want?”_ Raven pushed the question again, already knowing the answer, but wanting Clarke to say it. It was pretty obvious what the Commander wanted, but Raven needed to hear Clarke _say it_.

Clarke looked up at Raven and sighed, closing her eyes. “The person who blew up the warriors.”

Raven turned back to the table she had been working on and rested her fists on it. She hung her head, thinking. She knew what Clarke would do, but she also knew what she would do. “Okay, so how do we fight this?”

“We can’t.” Clarke responded hopelessly.

With that, Raven snapped her head up, her eyes squinted in a glare, but not necessarily at Clarke, more so at her answer. “Of course we can. We’ve fought them before, we can fight them again.”

“There are hundreds of Grounder warriors, Raven, and there are so few of our soldiers; if we try to fight this time, we’ll all die.”

“Fighting is better than giving up!” Raven shrieked, her nerves shot.

“It’s not giving up!” Clarke snapped. Raven stood in front of her, her chest rising and falling deeply, her nostrils flaring, her face scrunched and her mouth a hard line. Her temper was a wrath almost everyone feared, but not Clarke, so, she continued in a leveled tone, “It’s creating a chance for us to work together.”

“How can we all work together when one of us will be _dead_?” Raven’s voice cracked. She couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘sacrificed’—it just felt so wrong. The Grounders had attacked them, they had defended themselves, it was war, surely the Commander would have understood that. _It wasn’t rocket science._

“One life to prevent the deaths of the rest of us—and everyone in Mt. Weather—is a sacrifice that has to be made.” Clarke declared, her voice clear and her face sure. But it was her eyes, Raven noticed, that housed all her suffering.

The tan woman turned away again, closed her eyes, bit her lip, and a second later spun back around and said, “Okay, then I’ll do it.”

Clarke’s face dropped and her head buzzed in confusion. She stumbled over her words before she was able to form a coherent word. _“What?”_ Her voice came out in a soft, mangled whisper.

Raven took a deep breath in and out through her nose and nodded curtly. “I—I made the bomb that blew up the Grounders.”

“I pulled the lever that blew up the Grounders.” The pale girl pointed out.

“Clarke, we are not going to argue about who’s going to sacrifice themselves to save the rest of our people. I made the bomb. I did it. So I’ll face the consequences.” Raven nodded with each word, though she wish she wasn’t saying them. She wished there was an alternative solution. But, Clarke was a leader; she was _their_ leader. The Ark people needed her, and if the truce was really going to work, it was only going to work because of Clarke. So Clarke had to live, she had to. Raven on the other hand, she was just a mechanic. _Just a mechanic._ She thought with a little smile and distant eyes.

“Raven,” Clarke grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her thoughts.

Raven’s eyes skimmed her girlfriend’s face and she squeezed her hand. “They need you, Clarke.”

“They need you, too.” Clarke countered matter-of-factly.

“You’re their leader.”

“We wouldn’t have survived on the ground without you, and Raven, you’re not going to do this. I won’t let you.” Clarke said with conviction.

“And I’m not going to let you.”

Clarke sighed in exasperation. “You said I’m the leader, so this is my responsibility. My problem to fix.”

Raven threw Clarke’s hand out of hers and shot her arms in the air in a blind rage. “But I can’t lose you!” She wailed, her voice splintering off into a pathetic whine. “I—I lost Finn and now that I have you I…Clarke, I can’t lose you.” She admitted, crossing her arms loosely over her chest.

The other girl was silent for a few seconds before she mumbled, “I can’t lose you, either.”

“Then please, let’s fight this.” Raven grabbed Clarke’s hands and held them tightly between her own. She begged with her eyes for Clarke to hear her. “We can find another way.” She was determined that they could. The two of them could find their way out of anything, any situation, and make it out alive.

Clarke was silent for a few minutes, her ears ringing and her head buzzing with the proposal of deception. But she squeezed Raven’s hands back and looked up at her and agreed, “Okay…okay, we’ll find another way.” And Raven pulled her into a tight hug, the tightest she’d ever given her, as if she might disappear if she let go.

And she might would.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, Raven was held up in the lab, actually working on repairing something instead of keeping her hands and mind busy. Clarke lingered in the doorway, leaning on the wall, her arms by her sides. She’d watched Raven work many times before, and it was so captivating. Just like with her painting, building and fixing things were an art, and Raven did it so extraordinarily well. She excelled, really. Clarke knew— _everyone knew_ —that Raven was the best, she could do anything, she could fix anything.

Clarke had gotten lost watching the other woman work almost every time she saw her. She’d stay back, careful to not disturb her. When Raven was in the zone, it was best to not interrupt, though sometimes Clarke did it anyway, but those were _special_ occasions—of course Raven complained but never really minded.

It astounded Clarke, honestly, how intelligent her girlfriend was. The night she fell from the sky and the day Clarke found her in that pod, was the real day her life was changed forever. Being on the earth didn’t compare to being with Raven. Smart, witty, clever, beautiful Raven.

“What are you doing just standing there?” Raven’s soft voice brought Clarke out of her thoughts of their early days on the ground together—though they’d been at war, it was a simpler time. She shook her head and quirked her lips up a little. The tan girl was facing her from the metal stool, a playful smirk on her face. Clarke’s heart thumped. God, she loved that girl.

Clarke shrugged slightly and walked into the room and in front of Raven, who was now standing. “Nothing. Just…watching you.”

Raven wrapped her arms around her girl and kissed her cheek. “Want to join me?” She whispered in her ear mischievously. Clarke shivered. Yes, she wanted to join her. She always wanted to join her. But tonight was different. Clarke willed herself to shake her head. The playful smile vanished from Raven’s face and her eyebrows furrowed in concern. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke shook her head again. “Nothing, I’m just tired.” She assured her with a smile. Raven still didn’t look convinced. “I promise, I’m fine. I just need to sleep.” She reassured, and hoped the lie worked. Though it wasn’t entirely a lie—she was tired. So extremely tired. But she knew she’d be able to rest soon.

“Go to bed, then.” Raven kissed her forehead. “I’ll be there soon. Just have to finish up here.”

Clarke kept the forced smile on her face and nodded. “Yeah, okay.” She turned and her eyes began to water and her nose began to sting from the premature stage of crying. Before she exited the room, she swallowed the huge lump in her throat and turned her head back to the tanned woman. “Hey, Raven,”

“Yeah?” Her voice sounded a little distant, as it always did when she was getting immersed in her work.

“I love you.” She tried to keep her voice leveled, tried to not give any hints away that she was about to crumble in on herself.

Raven turned her head to her and said, “I love you, too.” She gave a toothy smile, Clarke returned it dully, and then she went back to whatever it was that she was working on. They didn’t say it often, in fact, they barely said it at all; but when they did say it, they meant it with everything they had. The love they had for one another was something beyond love: it was respect and devotion and knowing when each other needed space and protection and fierce and it was lethal. They would go to the ends of the earth for one another, do anything to insure the other’s safety.

_Anything._

Clarke walked down the hallway of the fallen Ark, past hers and Raven’s shared bedroom, and out the entrance of the ship. There were only a handful of people outside, and they didn’t notice when she walked around to the back of the ship where her best friend was waiting for her.

“Is the gate disabled?” Clarke questioned, her heart racing and her stomach sinking with anxiety.

Wells looked down at her with sad eyes, which she avoided, and nodded. “Bellamy turned it off a few seconds ago.”

“Okay,” She reached into her coat and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Give this to Raven after…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it without her voice shattering. She took a deep breath and held the note out to Wells, her hand shaking. “Give it to her after.” She repeated firmly, yet still unable to say the rest of it. Wells knew, though, and took the piece of paper with a stiff nod. “I need to go before the electricity comes back on.” She moved towards the fence, but Wells grabbed her arm.

“Clarke, wait,” He knew that trying to stop her wouldn’t work, but damn it, he had to try. She was his best friend, they had been through too much together, he couldn’t just…let it end. Not like that. Clarke turned back to him, un-fallen tears making her eyes glisten. “We can find another way.”

“There _is_ no other way.” The girl stated.

“There is _always_ another way.” He pleated to get through to her.

She shook her head and whispered, “Not this time, Wells.” She smiled faintly, a small, sad thing. “There is no other option; this is the only way for the forty-seven in Mt. Weather to have a chance.” She leaned up, kissed him on the cheek, then wrapped her arms around him tightly. “May We Meet Again.” Before he could reply, before he could beg her some more, her arms were just a ghost around him and she was outside the fence, steadily walking towards the Grounder camp set up a few miles away from them.

Wells fell back against the Ark and let the warm water fall from his eyes freely. “May We Meet Again.” His deep voice was torn. He watched the girl he loved walk out of his life until she was no longer visible. His heart was in ruins. He’d lost her on the Ark, got her back on earth, and now he’d lost her again to the Grounders. His best friend, gone, and try as he did—goddamn it, he _tried_ —he couldn’t save her.

 

* * *

 

 

“Raven. Raven!” A frantic voice pulled the mechanic away from the scrap metal and tools laid out in front of her, and towards the entrance of the lab. Octavia appeared in the doorway, her chest frantically rising and falling and a look of pure terror contorting her face. An ice-hot chill ran down Raven’s spine, her blood pressure spiked, and her mind raced with only one thought: _Clarke._

She grabbed her cane and followed Octavia out of the Ark as fast as she could—which wasn’t as fast as she wanted. Just as her body hit to the cool air of the night, a female’s screams of sorrow and despair lit up the quite darkness.

“Abby,” Raven mumbled as she pushed her way through the small crowd of people circling the fence. Octavia stayed close by her side, helping to move people out of the way. Once Raven reached Abby, who was now being pulled away from the fence by Kane, her heart stopped. And when she looked past the gate towards the Grounder camp, lit up by a hundred torches, she could just make out the body of someone with sun-colored hair tied to a pole, her world shattered.

“Raven,” Octavia tried to get her attention, but the other girl ignored her.

“Clarke…?” Her voice was low and paper thin. Her knees wobbled and she gripped her cane tighter to keep herself upright. She cocked her head to the side and squinted, her vision blurry from oncoming tears. She already knew that it was her girlfriend bound to that pole, but she didn’t want to believe it. Oh god, she desperately didn’t want to believe it. But it was a fact that she couldn’t deny.

“Raven,” Octavia’s disembodied voice floated around her, trying to ground her, but she was already gone.

“No…No!” Raven howled in anguish. Her body gave out from under her but before she caved in on herself on the ground, a pair of arms were around her, trying to comfort her. “No, no, no, no,” She tried to fight Octavia off, wanted to storm through the Grounder camp and put a knife through the Commander’s heart, blow the rest of her people up. She wanted to, she wanted to so desperately, but all she could do was weep and scream. And Octavia let her. She held her and she let her and she felt Raven’s soul split into a million pieces. She felt helpless because there wasn’t a damn thing she could do to fix it.

 

* * *

 

 

Once the numbness in Raven’s legs subsided, she was able to leave Camp Jaha and go to Clarke. She walked behind Abby and Kane, with Octavia beside her and Bellamy and Wells behind her. As they entered the Grounder camp, it took all the willpower Raven had left to not jump any of them. She had no strength left in her, she had no weapon, and she had a brace on her leg, but damn it if her anger didn’t fuel her enough. No, she wasn’t angry. She was completely beyond that. She was numb and broken and _betrayed_. Oh god, if she didn’t feel betrayed. She should have known Clarke would go and give herself to the Commander after saying she wouldn’t, and maybe deep down inside she did know, she just didn’t want to believe it. She wanted to believe that they would have found an alternative. She wanted to believe they would have made it.

Abby went to Clarke first. Being her mother, after all it was only right. She took her time, and of course, Raven didn’t mind. Though she did mind all the Grounder eyes on her, and the white-hot rage beginning to bubble through her body. A firm yet gentle hand on her shoulder started to pull her out of it, though, despite how strong the urge was.

“Abby’s coming back.” Octavia informed her. Raven looked up to see the woman slowly making her way back to them, Kane’s arm wrapped around her waist for support. She looked up at Wells, to see if he wanted to be the next one to say goodbyes, but he just jerked his head for her to go. She nodded, clutched her cane, and began towards her dead girlfriend.

When they took Clarke down from the pole, they had just left her body on the ground like it was some dead animal. Like who she was and all that she had done meant nothing. Like she was just some _thing_ that didn’t matter and wouldn’t be remembered. She’d removed her jacket before behind tied to the pole; cuts and gashes ranging in all sizes covered her arms, neck, and face. Blood coated her like she was a blank canvas. And Raven wanted to be mad at her, be pissed at her, damn she really did, and maybe those feelings would come later, but right now, all she felt was emptiness. Pure, utter emptiness. Because when Clarke died she’d taken Raven with her.

She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there, cradling Clarke’s head in her lap, stroking her hair. It wasn’t until a deep voice broke through her thoughtless brain that she realized the sun was starting to peak over the giant trees.

“I need to give you something.” Wells spoke, the tiredness and sadness prominent in his tone.

Raven looked up at him with exhausted and puffy eyes, her vision slightly blurred from the non-stop crying—well, she’d stopped crying an hour ago; she’d just ran out of tears—“Can’t it wait?” Her voice was hoarse and came out as a croak.

“It’s important.” He added.

“So is this.” She motioned to Clarke’s head in her lap with a swift motion of her eyes. If she had enough energy, she would have shouted, but she was drained. It was a miracle even to her that she hadn’t of fallen over from lack of energy.

A small sigh escaped Wells’ mouth and he reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He held it up for Raven to see and said, “She wanted me to give you this.”

That was all it took for Raven to get to her feet. Exhaustion be damned, her anger is what fueled her. She got in Wells’ face and started wailing, “Why didn’t you stop her? You knew what she was going to do—why didn’t you stop her? _Why didn’t you stop her?_ ” Her voice came out in small, frantic sobs, and there were the tears again.

Wells’ face showed no ill will for the woman as he said truthfully, “It’s Clarke, Raven. Once she sets her mind on something, no one can stop her. You know that.”

“You’re supposed to be the Peace Keeper around here—you’re supposed to stop shit like this from happening!” She held her head up towards the sky, various shades of pinks and oranges shining through the puffy white clouds. She wondered if she’d ever be able to find beauty in such simple things again. The last of her tears slipped out of her eyes but before they could roll down her cheeks she violently scrubbed her hands over her face. She looked back at Wells and held her hand out to him. “Give it to me.” He hesitated for a moment before she repeated herself, sternly this time, “Give me the damn paper!” He placed it in her palm and she made a fist around it, crunching it into a ball.

She turned from the man and back to her girlfriend. She looked at peace, at least. The sun was shining down on her, surrounding her like a shield, protecting her like Raven couldn’t do. She closed her eyes, opened them again, took a deep breath, tried to compose herself before she opened the note and began reading:

_Raven—_   
_You’re going to hate me, and that’s okay. You’re going to feel alone, but you’re not; you’re not alone Raven, you were never. We couldn’t have survived on the ground   without you. You saved all of us, now let me save you._   
_They’re all going to need you, now more than ever. Help them, look after them, protect them, lead them. Watch after my mom, okay? Help Octavia, Wells, and Bellamy get the rest of the 47 out of Mt. Weather. I know you’ll be hostile, but please work with the Grounders to make peace, to save everyone. Otherwise, this will have all been for nothing. I love you, Raven, and I will always love you, and I will always be with you._   
_Remember, I’d pick you first._   
_May We Meet Again,_   
_Clarke_

 

She didn’t remember when she fell to the ground. A second before she read it, or during it, she didn’t know; all she knew was that she was on her knees, spilling more tears she didn’t know she had left. Wells was beside her for comfort, now crying himself. She wanted to take it all back. Redo everything before the idea to blow the Grounders up was thought. Figure out something different. Because there _had_ to have been something different.

There were always the ‘What Ifs’ lingering in the air, and always the ‘Never Knows’ as the answer.

 

* * *

 

To say that the funeral was beautiful would have been fucked up and disgusting. Because the truth was, was that it was anything but; there was nothing beautiful about watching Clarke’s wrapped up body burn on a pyre. It was the last thing Raven wanted to do, the last thing any of them wanted to do, because watching her body burn meant that it was real. It meant that Clarke was really dead, and that she would never come back.

But the pyre was necessary for the truce, and Clarke had given herself over to the Grounders specifically so that the truce could happen. Who where they to throw her sacrifice away? Every Sky Person and Grounder in the territory attended, paid their respects, cleansed themselves, and then when the fire died down, Wells, Octavia, Bellamy, Kane, and Abby disappeared with the Commander to talk their plans for attacking Mt. Weather. Just like that, it was over and Raven was alone. She should have been with them, but she couldn’t make herself move from the pile of grey soot in front of her.

Clarke Griffin, once a thriving, beautiful woman, reduced to nothing but soot.

Their fierce, stubborn, humble, protective leader gone, turned to ashes right in front of them. The girl with the sun-colored hair that framed her face like a halo, with the smile that could melt you inside and out, though rarely ever seen, with the brightest crystal blue eyes that could brighten up even the darkest room, ripped from their world in an instant. The woman Raven never thought she would care for, but fell in love with, taken from her without a second thought, and left her with a gaping hole where her heart should be.

“I do hate you Clarke.” She began, her voice wavering and quivering with the threat of new sobs. “I hate you for leaving me, and I hate myself for blaming you, and I fucking love you. I love you, and you left me, and now…” Raven trailed off due to the deep feeling of being watched. She slowly turned around, a small whine escaping her parted lips. Behind her, appearing as clear as if she were still alive, was Clarke. She gave Raven a small, sad-sweet smile, mouthed three words, then the wind blew and she was gone.

Raven was alone again. She was always alone.

She turned back around to the extinguished fire, the emptiness burning inside of her with such ferocity it could have knocked her on her ass. “And now I have nothing left.”

**Author's Note:**

> Partly inspired by my edit: http://laurelcastillio.co.vu/post/119763990117/im-hanging-on-another-day-and-im-hanging-on-to
> 
> And I've just had this rolling around in my head for a few days, and I love making heart wrenching things, so. Voila. 
> 
> Also, Finn was killed by Charlotte in place of Wells.


End file.
